11 july 05

in 14 days time, i will be leaving for israel ...

feelings - unsure what to expect yet excited cos i so know this is from jesus ... i guess, in my heart i am so certain that this trip will be a time where jesus will once again ravish my heart. that this will be a trip where i will say truly jesus, you r altogether lovely ... that i will pay the price just to be with u. my desire is that through meeting jesus face to face in his holy land, i will tuly say from the depth of my heart that i will let go of everything (phil 3) so that i can be the bride you want me to be... so i guess i should be excited overflowing right ... yet i must admit that i am filled with mixed emotions - guess i know that after this trip, many things will end n new things will begin so ... guess my head is excited but my heart ... hmmmm ... oh well ...

anyhow, the preparation thus far has been perfect - i've done so little yet god's done everything to thrill me ... everything. surely he is awesome. for starters, couple of weeks ago, i went to the immigration to renew my israel passport only to discover in the mrt that i had forgotten to bring my IC and my invitation letter (yea, u need an invitation letter to prove that u r an invited guest n not a terrorist to this beautiful nation) ... cos my queue number was 46, i immediately remembered psalm 46:10 - be still n know that i am god ... so was rather calm when the manager told me that it wld be difficult n that i may have to return tomorrow with all the document. anyhow, after five minutes of asking me what i was going to do in israel for 90 days, he decided that my thumbprint wld suffice for my passport renewal - yipee so i left the place happy n awed by jesus :) surely god is god ... all i need do is to be still and know that he is god.

and if that's not enough, accomodation,the usual stress factor in israel - safety n cost ... so god in his humour put me in a NUNNERY (yea, its called st peters n its next to city of david haha ... yup, n how much safer can i get) where i got a huge discount ie a single room with breakfast for only US$15 where the norm for a room like that is US$30 ... so ... yea, my jesus sure is working out the details. incidentially, around feb to march this year, i have been bugging geraldine, my cell member to find me a nunnery where i may go to learn contemplative so ... surely god is economical

to add on to his many miracles, sat morning, i was thinking that perhaps i shld purchase a laptop for this trip - made completely no sense to me so i decided against it. wala, made no sense but yet a desire god knew so that afternoon, my sister out of the blue asked if i wld need a laptop to bring on this trip cos she had purchased a new laptop ... so ... yes, yes, yes, god is really good. he is so awesome. so i am waiting daily for more surprises even as i am learning to lean on him. to trust in him even when i dont understand. even when i cannot see the good in things. i guess its my job to trust while its his job to make things happen - so must say its a cool deal