Lord, i am feeling disappointed, helpless and frustrated ... yet i suspect that this season, i will see your face and know your heart in the fire.

today, su yin scared me by peeping into the prayer room from the window outside and then laughed. i totally freaked out(silly girl) ... yea, i thot it was a demon haha and so ran to min who was on the keyboard and hid there ... geez, only to discover its only su yin ...

after calming my nerves down haha it dawned on me that i was like the 70 elders who ran away from the fire ... only moses dared to confront the fire and that's when he found God! sigh, so many things are happening - and i am once again in the dark nite of my soul ...or rather, i am now deeper into the dark nite of my soul ... i am so mad, frustrated and upset ... yet you are God and i am merely dust so what can i do - except to recognise that i must stand in the fire and to allow you to burn all the drosses in me. perhaps in Your kindness, You will reveal Your face, heart and delight to me ...

hmmm, You ask me what i am hoping for ... perhaps i was hoping that i would see your face in the throneroom - easy like how shawn boltz, isaiah, john the beloved etc had it ... grr ...yet i dont seem to be getting this ... Lord, is this what love is ... to stand the fire and to just let the tough times ride so that i may see your heart in the fire ... sigh, i guess you are God and i am your creation ... its for YOUR pleasure i was created so what can i say except, grace Lord ... grace!